18 Dec 1985, Posted by Scott An Chora in Poetry, No Comments.

Real Man Rules

These rules are in no particular order.

A REAL MAN ……

1. Don’t lie to Doctors

2. Will fake peeing at the urinal or will wait on a toilet before walking out in tandem with another guy.

3. Never talk about their privates or name any appendage of their body. That’s just weird.

4. Know how to Spit.  A pouhhhhh is unacceptable. If it takes practice, practice.

5. Never park in front of a bar.

6. Avoid paying commissions for anything.

7. Always give up their seat on a bus to a lady or the elderly.

8. Never leave a pint of beer unfinished. This is alcohol abuse.

9. Are always five minutes early, never late. We’ll never leave anybody waiting.

10. Must know basic survival techniques like tying a knot or building a fire.

11. Focus on making good first impressions. We know we’ll never get a second chance.

12. Push through the adversity. We know (in almost all cases) if you do what you love you’ll probably starve. So chin up.

13. Never present unfinished work.

14. Doesn’t hesitate to come to the aid of someone in need, even if he puts his own health at risk. We have no choice but to involve ourselves.

15. Never make that reversed, inhaling, alarmed noise.

16. Are not biased or racist, nor do we set different rules for ourselves and others.

17. Never argue over a bill and the end of a meal.

18. Shoelaces are the only acceptable lace to wear.

19. Don’t go for artificial tanning. Orange is not a real skin color.

20. Teach our children how to defend themselves. Both verbally and physically.

21. Reveal little to an enemy, reducing the options and knowledge of our vulnerabilities.

22. Never make a decision when we’re angry. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

23. Never replace a title with a heart. Matter of fact never heart anything.

24. Owning pictures, statues, etc. of a nude male is prohibited.  This is not art.

25. Must know the basics of vehicle maintenance. Like changing a tire. Learn it.

26. Don’t break promises, oaths or vows. When a real man makes a promise, he stands by it no matter what. Our word defines who we are.

27. While eating a banana will not make eye contract with another male. Avoidance.

28. Will never ask another man if he isn’t talking because he’s mad.

29. Never, never  let a woman walk anywhere alone after 11pm.

30. Never cut in front of another car just before exiting a freeway, we get behind them. Why impede somebody else if it does effect our position or direction?

31. Force the girl, boy, girl boy seating arrangement where at all possible.

32. On a road trip, all major logistical decisions (including pit stops) are to be determined by the driver of the vehicle. Decisions can only be overruled by the owner of the vehicle.

33. Don’t dumb it down, unless puppet are involved.

34. Must know the art of using tools, both manual like a hammer and powered like a circular saw.

35. Don’t procrastinate. We know that  procrastination to your career is a cancer.

36. Never make threats that they don’t intend to carry out. We know that fighting is a foolish response of an ignorant man.

37. Learn to master our patience, like a language or a martial art.

38. Farting in public admits to it. Never blame somebody else.

39. Never ask a woman if she’s pregnant or when is she expecting, unless invited into the conversation.

40. Diffuse embarrassing questions or situations. Comedy is allowed.

41. Never hold in a sneeze. This could cause brain damage.

42. Always abide by the rules. We never bowl when the bowler is the lane next to you is bowling and speak during a golf swing. You get the idea.

43. Won’t nurse a beer. Beer will never be allowed to reach a lukewarm temperature. If you can’t drink it while it’s cold don’t open it.

44. Are not vegetarians. Meatatarians optional. God’s design is perfect so why violate it.

45. Never leave a shower with a towel wrapped around our head.

46. Never use a sweater as a shawl.

47. Never wear white sock with black shoes.

48. Don’t have a type. No two women are the same.

49. Always drive. It’s a control thing.

50. We must own a dog. We prefer dogs over cats any day.

51. Never throw any ball underhand, unless prescribed by the rules of the game, like horseshoes.

52. Do not cling to the past when trying to create the future. We are always looking forward. We know that looking back on one’s problems will get in the way of our next step.

53. Never retire.

54. Are not ignorant of his world. We keep aware of everything around him and he keeps track of current affairs and research if necessary. Intellectual conversation require knowledge not hear-say.

55. Grasp for the inexhaustible variety in life.

56. Never sport car deodorizers.

57. Will take off their coats and place around the shoulders of a cold woman. You’ll get extra points for this move.

58. Won’t leave a buddy alone in a fight.

59. Always walk on the curb side between the road and a woman.

60. Never give up the remote while within viewing range, unless traded up for sex.

61. Ask her out once and only once. if a woman is interested  she’ll make herself available. Have some pride and don’t embarrass yourself.

62. Never answers his phone when on a date.

63. Never wear a belt above your belly button.

64. Never, never place themselves in the middle of a trough, or row of urinals. Why would you want and force other men to stand close to you, and greater violation to stand next to a man who is already present.

65. Drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

66. Know the basic skills of childhood. Riding a bike, playing a carom board, skateboarding , surfing and alike. Master one and move on to the next.

67. Never break up over the phone, via email, or a text message. We have the balls and do it face-to-face.

68. Never put a bow or ribbon on a pet.

69. Don’t have full length mirrors.

70. Never wear shoes with heels that exceed one inch.

71. Make an honest attempt to intervene before a friend has a drunken hookup with another girl while in a committed relationship.

72. Are confident. We know that women find confidence in a man sexy as hell. Never feel inadequate or inferior, never!

73. Can defend ourselves, We are battle tested, we knew how to stand our ground and we know which battles to fight and which ones to avoid.

74. Will never develop a routine that we can’t walk away from with five minutes’ notice. Routine is a death to creativity.

75. Know that we are never bigger than those who employ us, this included our customers.

76. Know that the art of leadership is saying no, not yes. It is very easy to say yes.

77. Don’t make the people under us do things we haven’t done or aren’t willing to do. If you’re a leader, then lead by example. “An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.”

78. Never ask somebody to do something and then explain how to do it. If you have to explain it, do it yourself.

79. Only cry for the loss or redemption of others. No self pity.

80. Never tell another man that his fly is down, that’s his problem. You never saw it.

81. Never con someone for money. Play your cards straight up.

82. Never apologize with an excuse or explanation.

83. Always stand to shake someone’s hand.

84. Never tells a woman what she wants. Be patient with women.

85. Never carry a woman’s purse, unless of course you want to be her “bitch”. Being labeled a Bitch make you not a real man.

86. Will always give his buddies a way out.

87. Don’t use GPS. We always believe they will find a way, or make one, without hesitation. The journey is both path and designation.

88. Don’t own velvet paintings. They are prohibited and in bad taste.

89. Never queue in the fast lane – it’s for passing.  Your are either “in the flow” or your an obstacle. Don’t be an obstacle.

90. Never consider shopping a sport. We shop alone. We know what we need to buy, find it, buy it and get out.

91. Put a higher value on quality than quantity. Controlling one’s instincts is more manly than surrendering to them.

92. Don’t put ourselves in a position where you can get in trouble.

93. Know when everything seems perfect, we’re usually wrong.

94. Never lie to a woman. Why would you need to?

95. Never help another man apply sun tan oil.

96. Never date or have sex with someone that lives in your complex, apartment building, etc. They should never be able to see your front door from their window.

97. Only have sex with the opposite sex. Any type of experimentation with the same sex make you gay and not a real man.

98. Wear a tie whenever you’re trying to make money.

99. Take on challenges that involve risk. When a man plays it safe, his vitality is lost.

100. Don’t hesitate. When we have the right of way take it.

101. Don’t tolerate anyone being pushed around (physically or emotionally). We stand up against injustice in all of its forms.

102. Don’t sit when others are standing, unless at a bar.

103. Will return a borrowed car with a full tank. If house sitting leave a six-pack a beer in the fridge. You get the idea.

104. Will never explain a joke. We’ll just tell another.

105. Never accept drinks with umbrellas.

106. While dinning never invite themselves into a conversation of another table.

107. Don’t jog shirtless.

108. Don’t wear socks with sandals.

109. Never have highlights put in their hair.

110. Wait on the green light before proceeding into a sexual encounter.

111. Won’t watch porn with another guy, period.

112. Always respect their elders. It valuable to assume everybody has something to teach you especial those with experience.

113. Don’t tell another person how they should live or impose their beliefs.

114. Overestimate the time it takes to complete a project or task, and underestimate its rewards.

115. Must know the rules of every sport.

116. Always maneuver to buy the first round of drinks and then wait for the rest to come our way.

117. Always replaced the toilet paper over, never under.

118. Never loitering in a men’s room, This is absolutely prohibited.

119. Never tuck a shirt into a bathing suit. matter of fact never tuck in any shirt without buttons.

120. Never name a child Dick, Harry, Candy, you get the idea.

121. Avoid adultery by not placing themselves into situation where we can be seduced. We’re easily seduced.

122. Call their parents once a week.

123. Never butt in on a buddies’ fight with his girl.

124. Never under any circumstances may share a motorcycle with another man. Take a cab if you must.

125. Always treat women with respect.

126. Make decisions based on the merits, not because someone else endorses it.

127. Treat their time it as though it were their most valuable commodity.

128. Listen and then simulate the conversation.

129. Never straightens another man’s tie.

130. Never walk swinging their arms. Skipping is even a bigger violation.

131. If you say “Ouch”, your a pussy! “Fuck” is the appropriate response.

132. Know when to keep their mouth shut, and more importantly, known when to open it.

133. Don’t gossip. We don’t discuss things we don’t know about or people he has never met.

134. Stay calm and composed even when chaos spins around us. We are always in charge and control of their emotions.

135. Never sing show-tunes.

136. Don’t trust people that mirror our comments or postures. We aware that they are usually trying to get closer for their own benefit. Total acceptable to parrot back.

137. Don’t giggle. Never embrace anything to feel awkward about. If you think it’s funny, laugh.

138. Feel comfortable answering any question in any situation.

139. Won’t argue with children.

140. Eat “real” eggs, none of that powdered shit.

141. Will never drink beer with a straw.

142. Never wear any article of women’s clothing. This includes extremely tight pants or any form of nylons and never ever wear Speedos.

143. Never talk to a man taking a dump unless there is an extreme emergency. Is the bathroom on fire?

144. Never wear a white belt.

145. While dating the only voice message to leave is “I’ve been thinking about you, call me”. As long as you stick with this rule you will not break others.

146. On first dates always keep eyes and focus on your date. Don’t be checking out other woman.

147. Always help a guy up off the floor. It just shows class.

148. Never apologies for accidentally touch another man below the waist. This is considered an accident and should never be commented on.

149. Wear hats that serve a purpose and not indoors.

150. Know how to tie a tie and never wear a clip-on.

151. Own and know how to use a gun. We assume all guns are loaded.

152. Do not grunt excessively while lifting weights.

153. Can laugh at themselves. We do some funny things.

154. Promote only those who are earned the respect of others. Promoting the undeserving will undermine your authority.

155. Always do business “on the square”. We understand that long term relationships are more valuable that short term profits.

156. Take the first step towards the opposition, so as to place a confrontation next step on our terms. Our world does not respond positively to hesitation.

157. Always try to end phone calls first.

158. Always says “Good-Morning” or “Hello” and never in a sarcastic way.

159. Never boasts or mentions about any good deeds, charity, or acts of kindness.

160. Will not eat in a bathroom. It is acceptable to carry a beer or other alcohol beverage to and from the bathroom, but not food.

161. Shouldn’t smoke. It is bad for your health. Since where on the subject no smoking in the house or car, do it outside.

162. Never fight  If you have to fight do it outside.

163. Never make whining noises. We do without complaining and without annoying others.

164. Do not steal, ever.

165. Are willing to risk rejection.

166. Search for reasons to smile and to share a smile.

167. Won’t use childish catch phrases like “See Ya Later Alligator”.

168. Give sound advice tastefully and accepts it gracefully.

169. Drink out of faucets, hoses, nipples, cartons. There are no prohibited forms of drinking.

170. Don’t even consider low fat, decaf, non-alcoholic beer, soy, etc.

171. Can refuse a woman’s request to dance.

172. Exercise as a part of their daily regiment.

173. Give no reason when excusing them selves from a table.

174. Never under any circumstances may share an umbrella with another man.

175. Never bring a camera to a bachelor party.

176. Always have a firm handshake, but it is not a competition of strength.

177. Only drink black coffee. Coffee is coffee and never flavored.

178. Are not afraid to share toothpaste, toothbrushes. You get the point.

179. Always ensure that the hem of our pants touches our shoes.

180. Don’t use handkerchiefs. Who thought this was a great idea.

181. Are not always predictable. Do not let her get bored. Be spontaneous.

182. Will never sleep with a crazy girl, no matter what she looks like.

183. Do not pursue a buddy’s sister. They are off limits.

184. Never masturbate in front of a mirror.

185. Ex-girlfriends were never nicer, prettier, or better in bed. Stick to it.

186. Ignore “The Look”. Every woman has “The Look” which, roughly translated, means “How can you be so stupid?”  Ignore it.

187. Want to hear the truth, always the truth.

188. Thrives on competition. Win or lose as long and the playing field is balanced and we never wish the downfall of a competitor.

189. Remain calm is stressful circumstances. Somebody may need our help.

190. Are allowed to scratch their balls anywhere at any time. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. Matter of fact a real man is allowed to place his hands down his pants under any circumstances.

191. Never pee in the pool.

192. Don’t write our name are our processions, That’s a problem.

193. Never have loud arguments. Be the patient and the calm participant and make your points.

194. Stay away from discussing politics. 95% have no idea what there talking about, so why engage them?

195. Never will allow their friends to pick on your girlfriend or wife. You either have balls or your not a real man.

196. Always look for the best in people.

197. Try to never start a sentence with the word “I”.

198. Will ever knowingly watch a movie where the main theme is dancing.

199. Keep their house in order, tidy and clean living quarters. Pig stys are for babies and should never be tolerated.

200. Don’t where V-neck or sleeveless T-Shirts.

201. Start with the premise that the function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers.

202. Never refused somebody begging for change. Real men are generous and giving when we see someone who’s genuinely needy and understand that no one can sincerely try to help another without helping themselves. We are what we do.

203. Never, never scream on amusement park rides.

204. Never seeks repayment for kindness or generosity.

205. Never cut in line and this includes driving. Take a breath.

206. Never, ever grovel for sex. Refuse to tolerate any kind of sexual blackmail or manipulation.  It’s normal for a man to be attracted to a woman and it’s normal for a man to want to have sex. If your woman isn’t able to comprehend this, then find one who does.

207. Never get involved with a married woman. She will drag you into a war zone.

208. Would never let his children grow up in another man’s house.

209. Do not carry a comb, brush or any other type of utensil that could be construed as a “preening” implement.

210. Don’t pop their collar.

211. Floss on a regular basis. We take care of our teeth.

212. Don’t square dance. There are better ways.

213. Never abandons a Wingman. We will follow through with his responsibilities to the end of the evening.

214. Disregard negative or destructive relationships. We only keep cheerful friends. If you really need a grouch, there is probably a family member that fills the roll.

215. Don’t grunt to answer a question.

216. Keep a change of clothes at the office or in the truck of their car. Be prepared.

217. Never buy pink, orange, brown, sky blue or lime green colored cars.

218. Won’t look for excuses. We take responsibility for our actions and those actions by individuals that support us in our endeavors.

219. Ignore or deny any type of physical pain. No screaming or whimpering at the sight of say a needle.

220. Don’t show up the pitcher or celebrate after scoring a touch down. Make it look expected.

221. Don’t underestimate the power of being at the right place at the right time. Plan for it, make yourself available to it. Timing is everything.

222. Are not afraid of spiders, snakes, any type of animal. But smart enough not to put themselves or other into danger’s way, so don’t reach for a cobra.

223. Always call if we’re going to be late. Never leave somebody worrying or waiting.

224. Are always optimistic. We knows optimism is essential to achievement. And Karma just likes it

225. Won’t cross bridges until we come to them.

226. Don’t do the one-open-hand, side-to-side wrist wiggle wave. That’s for beauty queens.

227. Don’t wear sunglasses in doors unless blind, this way we’d known to step out of your way.

228. Love the female body, and commitment her on it.  God knew what he was doing.

229. Don’t shit where they eat.

230. Do not tolerate intolerable behavior. If she acts like a bitch, cut her short and tell her why. Pavlov rule.

231. Need a woman who will not lie.

232. Don’t gossip on the phone or  in a text messages. Yes, no, se you there are perfectly acceptable dialogues.

233. Never take a mulligan, never. If you hit a ball in the weeds you have a ball in the weeds.

234. Are never ashamed of where we came from.

235. Never gamble, wager, or lend more than they can afford to lose.

236. Don’t make kissing faces in pictures or two finger rabbit ears.

237. Must catch any object thrown with any reasonable speed or accuracy.

238. Sees things from all angles, and plan accordingly.

239. Always look a person in the eye when we  talk to them. Never avoids eye contact.

240. Won’t let themselves be manipulated. You will regret it.

241. Cuss, occasionally and when necessary.

242. Always say “Thank You”, even if we don’t mean it.

243. Accept the head nod as an acceptable way to greet another guy. No words are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

244. Never share a drink. It’s only permissible to give women a sip.

245. Eat plenty of fiber. Don’t ignore this rule.

246. Avoid arguments. We know the difference between what’s important and what isn’t. A real man doesn’t waste time on stupidities.

247. Keep their fingernails and toenails trimmed and clean and never painted unless directly related to a Halloween costume. And never bite our fingernails.

248. Don’t wear makeup unless we earn money as a clown or TV anchor, and then only while on the job.

249. Do not wear orange, pink or anything that remotely resembles a flower. Don’t be a flower be a man.

250. Never forgive or forget a betrayal.

251. If there are no females in the home owning only cats is questionable.

252. Laugh often. We don’t take ourselves too seriously and there’s funny everywhere we look.

253. Know their way around the female anatomy. Her pleasure is your pleasure. Trust me.

254. Keep things in perspective. We know that others can tell the size of a man by the size of things that bother him.

255. Know and understand that females change their mind, at any time, for any reason. Bob and weave.

256. Don’t have anything smart to say, we don’t say anything at all.

257. Don’t enter a pool by using the stairs.

258. Buy high quality tools. This way we only have to buy them once. Quality over quantity.

259. Recognizes the time and effort that go into creating things. We appreciate true quality.

260. Pack light when traveling. Mobility is more valuable than lugging around processions you don’t need or could purchase.

261. See long hair as more attractive than short hair.

262. When single never keep tampons in their bathroom. Women will check. Avoid the conversation.

263. Accept people as they are and work from there. We know that we can’t fundamentally change people.

264. Are the first to lunch with the new kid.

265. Are detail oriented and methodical planners. Completing a project on time is never given to luck.

266. Unless in absolute physical peril, never kick another man in the nuts. They are to be respected and protected.

267. Never oppress the weak. This makes you weak not strong.

268. Ask a question when they want an answer. If we don’t understand something.

269. Don’t practice selective hearing. We listen but ignore.

270. Always opens doors for a woman. Then we take advantage of the view.

271. When in any disagreement deal only with the current situation. We never bring up the past.

272. Will do whatever it takes to keep his family safe and happy.

273. Never own a dog smaller then a housecat.

274. Never slap other man’s ass unless in a full football uniform, no exceptions. Although allowed this is still on the edge.

275. Allows a man who clearly (not slurring his words) indicates that he is of sound mind and will, you are obligated to let him make his own mistakes.

276. Know nothing If asked by a buddy’s girlfriend or wife. You know nothing.

277. Seek wisdom and keep learning. We never let the brain be idle.

278. Know their strengths and weaknesses.

279. Dream. We know that “dreaming” is another word for thinking,  planning, or exercising one’s soul.

280. Know that true engineering is the avoidance of failure.

281. Pay attention. Having a quick mind doesn’t mean you need to have a quick tongue Listen and assess.

282. Never wear jewelry or any kind, especially ear rings. This is female territory.

283. Can shit, shave, shower, dress and be out the door in fifteen minutes or less.

284. Never, ever abuse an animal.

285. Never go “Dutch” on a date. Have class.

286. Never cheat on a woman. Be a man and end the relationship before starting another.

287. Never talk in a bathroom – no dialogue and no eye contract.

288. Tip generous when the service meets what is expected.

289. Never attempt to engage a naked man in conversation.

290. Don’t throw sand.

291. Never seek attention. We never make an idol of ourselves.

292. Seek to share something of themselves to discover the common ground with others.

293. Are comfortable in the dark.

294. Are always preserving the other person’s self-esteem.

295. Never blame the refs. If one play is the difference in game live with it.

296. Live for the next adventure. It understandable that sometimes life interrupts this objective.

297. At times lose, but we never lose the lesson.

298. Know that silence is sometimes the best answers.

299. Never announce it’s their birthday. We are never so into our birthday. It just another reason to have a good meal with family and friends. Don’t take yourself too seriously or make  yourself the center of attention.

300. Always adjust their vehicles front head light below the rear window of average car. We have no desire to blind drivers or cause accidents.

301. Always have a child inside ready to come out an play.

302. Reach out without expecting anything in return.

303. Own three to four pairs of shoes, tops.

304. Stick to the primary sixteen colors. Peach is a fruit.

305. Consider all comments uttered during an argument null and void after a week and will not be used in future arguments.

306. Understand that family and loved ones come before self indulgence in worldly pleasures.

307. Value their ears. If the car is vibrating the music is too loud.

308. Don’t sport purses unless large enough and is carrying a camera or a computer. This will be classified as a bag.

309. Hug other men with only one arm behind the back and no more that three parts. Also never linger.

310. Don’t hunch or lurk around like a thief. We respect ourselves and walk tall and confident.

311. Are not afraid to talk about sex, but we avoid talking about our relationships, conquests, broken heart, etc.

312. Never answer the question “Do I look fat in this dress” or any alike questions. We answer these type of question with another question.

313. Know that solitude is something to be valued and embrace the opportunity when it presents itself.

314. Trust our instincts. Our instincts were given to us so that we can make a decision when all the elements in a decision-making process aren’t obvious.

315. Will never marry anyone we don’t intend to spend our life with.

316. Solve their own problems. The journey is more valuable than the destination and this gives you a competitive edge in understanding the intricacies.

317. Are not required to buy another man a birthday present.  Just remembering the day is strictly optional.

318. Know when to give up. Unlimited persistence while vaunted, is stupid and a waste of our valuable time.

319. Will not join a buddy already singing along to a song in the car. This would be gay.

320. Are always interested in petting a friendly dog. We love the affection.

321. Don’t dedicate their life to their work. No one is on their deathbed wishing they spent more time at work.

322. Never revel or take pleasure in the darkness of others.

323. Always accept beer from a stranger and will never turn down free beer because “it’s not their brand.”

324. Are not cheap. Good food and good drink are nourishment to the soul.

325. Will leave the toilet seat in the down position and dry. If your drunk and it’s late at night you better sit down and it should be waiting for you in that position.

326. Know when showering in the communal environment, we only look at the faucet, at the showerhead, at our hands, or at our feet. No eye contact.

327. Always assume that our mother is listening.

328. Will nurture a woman’s space. There is advantages when their comfortable alone.

329. Are never afraid of rejection, cause we don’t require the approval of others.

330. Don’t place a lot of value in stuff. Stuff can always be replaced.

331. Are willing and capable of explaining ourselves if we want to be understood.

332. Don’t talk on cell phones in restaurants, churches, especially bathrooms. Nobody want to hear your shit.

333. Know that status is often the enemy of success.

334. Never make bets involving women, They will find out.

335. When possible, we walk to our destinations. You’ll be surprise what you will stumble across.

336. Are active giver of love, not a passive receiver.

337. Should never have finger nails extended beyond the skin of your finger unless you’re a classical guitarist living in Spain.

338. Don’t talk about another man wife in his presents.

339. Never second-guesses themselves by worrying about the possibility of failure.

340. When asked for any information, the answer is always the truth. If you don’t know say you don’t know.

341. Have regular orgasms. We know that if you don’t our prostate will assume that you have no further interest and die.

342. Don’t slobber when kissing.

343. Never brag and always look for opportunities to legitimately praise others.

344. Always act like they know where they are going, even if we don’t. No demonstration of vulnerabilities.

345. Never tries to appear as someone more than they are. We are ourselves.

346. Before dating a buddy’s ex will ask his permission and abide his wishes.

347. When selecting player for a sport team a real man will never allow a buddy to be picked last. We are obligated to the assembly a team that wins and pick up buddies in the early late rounds.

348. Don’t talk about other girls to their girlfriend or wife.

349. Are conscious of our body language. We know what we are saying when we’re not speaking.

350. Are not vague or sneaky in our behavior, but rather straightforward and truthful.

351. Hold others accountable for their behavior.

352. When arguing, never draw others in to defend our position.

353. We never punctuate any food or beverage with that gay sigh of satisfaction. “Aaaaaaah!“.

354. Train their dogs and have them live in the house with full rights as a family member.

355. Never lend money and expect it to be returned. The key is limited the amount of the loan.

356. Never have a conversation with girlfriends or our wife about any of your buddies.

357. Always play within the rules. Cheating in anything takes away the challenge.

358. Never compliment someone else’s cooking in the presence of our girlfriend or wife. There is a high percentage that they would take it as an insult.

359. Will never ill treat other or make anybody feel insulted.

360. Never wear perfume. We believe that our sweat smells sexy to women.

361. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex. Unless you have been married for 20+ years.

362. Don’t let anyone else talk for them. The goal is to be understood not misunderstood.

363. Never make another feel that they are not enough.

364. Never buy anything from someone who knocks on your door uninvited.

365. Travel and experience the world as it is and when at all possible avoid tourist gatherings. This is never a waste and more valuable that any procession.

365.5. Born on a leap year will not state that he’s only 10 when he’s actually 40.